I Want to Do Things, But My Depression Said No

Ugh. Depression sucks.

This isn’t going to be one of those fluffy, motivational posts where I wrap things up with a pretty little bow. This is just me, being real with you.

I had plans today. Real ones. Things I wanted to do. But depression had other ideas. It’s like there’s this invisible force inside me that drags me down, slow and heavy. I can’t outrun it, can’t outsmart it, can’t even negotiate with it. It shows up when it wants, throws my plans in the trash, and then has the audacity to act like I’m the problem.

And what do I have energy for? Laying down. That’s it. Laying down and binge-watching Border Security: Australia like it’s the only thing keeping me tethered to this world. (Which, honestly, it kinda is right now. Comfort shows are powerful.)

I’m not sharing this because I’m looking for sympathy. I’m not even looking for solutions. I just need to say it out loud (or, in this case, type it on the internet). Because this feeling—the flatness, the fog, the frustration—it’s real. And if I don’t acknowledge it, it just sits heavier on my chest.

I know I’m not alone in this. Depression makes a lot of us feel stuck. Like our minds are full of big ideas and our bodies are full of… molasses.

If today all you managed to do was breathe, you’re still doing something. If your comfort show is the only thing that makes you feel okay, lean into it. And if you had plans but depression hijacked your day, you’re not lazy or broken. You’re just human, dealing with something really hard.

Tomorrow might be different. Or it might be the same. Either way, I’ll be here. Still breathing. Still trying.

Still watching Border Security.